My Journey Towards Loving Myself, No Matter What Size I Am
You know that feeling when you look back on all of your pictures from the past when you were healthier, slimmer, and “happier”? Then you compare it to the pictures you took at a friend’s wedding reception this past weekend where you’ve gained at least 30 pounds? Sometimes the feeling is of inner disappointment for not sticking to your weight-loss routine. But most of the time the feeling is bitter disgust at you being fatter. Because, in our society, being fat means you are lazy, unattractive, and less than human. You’re not alone if you’ve had feelings of disgust and disappointment after gaining weight. I’ve been there. Hell, I am there. I’m also a health coach, which adds a nice little twist to the mix, don’t ya think?
You see, I was the classic, overweight and awkward girl growing up. I know how it feels to be the brunt of fat jokes, even ones told by my closest childhood friends and family. I guess you can say that I’m still working through some issues from my past. However, I am done obsessing about my weight. I mean done. I’m done with taking multiple closeup selfies to hide my body. I’m done hiding behind clothes or adjusting my posture to try to cover up parts of my body. I’m done feeling insecure about my body and here’s why:
1. I am not my body; I am a soul in a body. I know this can jump into many philosophical/spiritual concepts, but it is my personal belief that I am a Spirit having a human experience and not the other way around. My body does not represent my highest Self; it serves its purpose to let me experience what I need to experience and learn in this material plane. It should, however, be treated with love and respect, which is a process we’re all working on. But it does not define who I truly am.
2. Obsessing about weight can create serious eating disorders like bulimia, anorexia, or binge-eating. There have been many times when I’ve starved myself or eaten very little and worked out for over 2 hours on an empty stomach. There have also been times when I was so emotionally depressed about my weight that I would stuff my stomach with junk food and binge-eat. Did you know that over 24 million people in the U.S. suffer from an eating disorder (ANAD.org)? We live in a society obsessed with appearance and unattainable beauty standards which creates a perfect environment for serious eating disorders to flourish. What’s even more saddening is that many people do not know or understand that they have a disorder, preventing them from seeking much needed treatment.
3. Obsessing about weight prevents me from living in the moment. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to visualize where you want to be, but not at the expense of being truly in the moment. There have been moments when all I thought about was my future self. This prevented me from letting things flow naturally. Continually focusing on meeting my weight-loss goals pulled me away from the present moment and created dissatisfaction when those goals were unmet.
4. Obsessing about weight screws with my self-confidence. If you’ve ever been overweight, more than likely you’ve felt inferior to your thinner, more “socially acceptable” friends. Growing up overweight has been rough on my self-confidence, and continuing to obsess about gaining the slightest pound does not help. This is where self-love and compassion is greatly needed. Instead of focusing on everything I find wrong with my body, I’m choosing to focus on loving every inch of it through positive affirmations, meditation, and by connecting more to my authentic Self. One affirmation by Louise Hay has been very effective for me: I am Love. I let Love in. I live in peace and gratitude.
5. Obsessing about weight deters me from looking at the real reason why there’s an unhealthy relationship with food. Tying in all of the above, obsessing about gaining weight really doesn’t address the root issue of how I’ve gained it in the first place. For me personally, my unhealthy relationship with food stems from deeper spiritual and psychological issues. Some of them deal with feelings of inadequacy (the whole self-confidence thing again), and feeling unloved. Growing up, sugar gave me a high and made me feel loved, fatty foods made me feel nourished, and fast food gave me a thrill for eating something I wasn’t supposed to eat. Food was there to support my emotional needs, and it was also there when I was clinically depressed. Emotional eating is one of the most common forms of disordered eating and one of the less understood. Can you think of a time when you ate something solely because you were happy, sad, or upset? With a combination of counseling, energy healing, and incorporating better lifestyle practices, I’ve had major success in understanding my relationship with food. And while it’s still a work in progress, I can say that I’ve learned so much about myself (so much that it inspires me to help others with the same issues).
So that’s it peeps, that’s my proclamation. To hell with feeling dissatisfied with the way I look. I’m beautiful inside and out, and I’m here to represent (plus, big girls are making a comeback, lol)! I would love to hear from you. What are some reasons you have stopped obsessing about your weight? Leave a comment for ya girl below!
About Courtney Cherae: Founder, Holistic Health Coach, Energy Healer, and Herbalist
I’m here to support your healing needs whether it’s through health coaching, energy healing, or herb-crafting. I’ve studied at the very awesome Institute for Integrative Nutrition where I studied over 100 dietary theories, lifestyle management concepts, and holistic health practices. I’ve also obtained my Master Usui Reiki certification from Karen Hutchins of Cicada Recovery Services in Austin, Texas. I spend a lot of my time outdoors with the plant world and working on herb crafting (teas, tinctures, herbal remedies, etc.). Please let me know how I can assist you on your healing journey! You can email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org or schedule your free consultation here.